I want everyone to know that sobriety is the best option, especially if you are unlucky enough to be faced with addiction. It is the better option without a doubt. Addiction is hard. It’s hard to live without your daily dose, its hard to find money to keep up an addiction and it’s even harder to connect with the people you love when you are faced with addiction. Addiction is very hard.
Sobriety is also hard but from sobriety your hard work actually pays off and you see results almost from day 1. Today I want to talk a little about how my teen addiction to alcohol has affected my adult life.
As you all know by now and if you don’t I started drinking from an extremely young age of 11. I skipped being a young teenager and jumped to being a 40 year old mind stuck in a teen body. I’d gone through so much in the 19 years of my life before sobriety including quite bad domestic abuse. Addiction has changed me. I didn’t grow up into a fully functioning adult and learn all the things I should have learned. I never learned to cope in high pressure situations.
My emotions are sometimes all over the place and I can be extremely happy for a moment and then BOOM as soon as something unexpected happens I hate it. I plan things in my head and disruption is not something I can deal with.
The thing that bothers me the most is that I can’t cry when I’m sad. I can cry at the walking dead no bother but if something happens that affects me directly and hurts me I just don’t. I always have a feeling of needing to be strong for others. Be strong so no one can see me weak like I have been so many times before. That’s just something I’ve still to work on.
In my teen years I was a mess. I’d wear tacky clothes, to much make-up and I’d always be I’ll. I drank more to feel numb and to feel better about myself.
Now. Well it’s all a different now, I am starting to learn I don’t need to dress up and conceal who I really am. Drink gave me the confidence I lacked and I loved the feeling of being able to love myself. I am confident and loud around people I know well but I find it hard talking to strangers. I don’t like it.
Addiction and sobriety both have amazing points and bad points but the truth is when it comes to addiction the bad points outweigh the good but when it comes to sobriety the good points outweigh the few bad points. And the bad points are only scenarios that I’ve made up in my head.
Sober life is good. My life is good. I don’t regret my past or what I’ve been through or the things I have done that I should be ashamed of. I’m here. I’m alive and I want to help other people to overcome the things I have already experience and if I hadn’t of done and experienced all these terrible things. I wouldn’t be here and I wouldn’t be trying my damned hardest to help others…
Thanks for reading guys I hope you enjoy. Sorry my posts haven’t been as frequent lately but I’m moving and things are just starting to get on track. Xx