Another time while I was still with D the man who hit me and told me I wasn’t good enough that I’d like to share with you.
I had been beaten and kicked so hard in the stomach that I couldn’t stand up. He went to his mums and told me he would get me pain killers. He got me some amitriptyline. The 50mg ones. I had never taken them before and I didn’t know what they were either but I would have taken anything to stop the pain.
It was a mistake. I had my mum coming to visit me that afternoon and I was lying in my bed. Paralysed and unable to move because of such a high dosage of muscle relaxers that I had never taken before.
All hell broke out in my house. My mum appeared and wasn’t happy at the state I was in. My boyfriend grabbed me and locked me in the bathroom with him. It wouldn’t be the last time he locked me in their either.
I just remembered as I’m writing this. Funny thing memory. My friend was staying with me at the time. A friend I love and adore but there was nothing he could do even living with me that could help my situation. Him and my mum were trying to get to me and I think D hit my mum. I don’t know. I’m sure he did.
My mum phoned the police and they came. I can’t remember everything because I was so drugged. I can’t really remember much after that. It took me years to remember that I was at the police station. Me my mum and my friend all three of us in separate rooms giving separate statements.
I can’t even remember what I said to the police weather I wanted him charged or not. It didn’t matter if I had said yes anyway, because he always got away with everything he done to me. He always gets away with everything he does to every girl.
I can bet you I begged them to let me go home. To my mums. Because that’s just where I wanted to be. For some damn reason I ended back there. He always got his way, threatening my family to me so I’d go back. The one thing I would do anything for.