It’s 11.41pm, by the time I post this it’ll be morning. I have just finished working a 1-10 shift at my job and all day I’ve had something playing on my mind.. The mess in the storage compartment under my bed.
I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day. I have been dying all day to tell my work I was ill to go home and clean it out. I never though. That’s why at half 10 at night I started cleaning out the storage under my bed. I’ve already put a post up about my cleaning tendencies but this is not about my OCD habits.
While I was cleaning out under my bed. I was throwing away everything because it was all stuff I didn’t use or need. I was texting numbers in my phone and getting rid of things to friend and family members when I came across the shoes. My favourite shoes of all time. It made me uncontrollably emotional because I knew I had to get rid of them. The thing is, is me and these shoes have history. They were thigh high denim shoes handmade and they were stunning.
You see when I was drinking I did work in the beginning I loved my work as a carer and still do but I got into an abusive relationship and could no longer work. Then I was on the dole. But while I was working I bought these shoes. I worked hard for them and I loved them. I loved them even more when my beautiful Doberman dog Chica chewed them.
I never wore them after that but I kept them as a memory of my dog Chica who i’ll talk about at another time. But I came across these shoes and all through my addiction i grew close to material things that had some memories of happiness in them.
I realise today these memories weren’t happy at all and that these memories remind me of a time where I wasn’t happy at all. I was really quite unhappy and tried to attach these memories to a pair of shoes for what reason I can’t tell you.
It may just be a pair of shoes but they have always been something I’ve held on to. But I don’t need them. I have all the good memories and bad memories to remind me of my past. But that’s all they are, memories. And thankfully today the good memories are starting to outweigh the bad.
Goodbye shoes and good bye to the sad times behind me. 🙂