How Teen Addiction Affected My Adult Life

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I want everyone to know that sobriety is the best option, especially if you are unlucky enough to be faced with addiction. It is the better option without a doubt. Addiction is hard. It’s hard to live without your daily dose, its hard to find money to keep up an addiction and it’s even harder to connect with the people you love when you are faced with addiction. Addiction is very hard. Sobriety is also hard but from sobriety your hard work actually pays off and you see results almost from day 1. Today I want to talk a little about how my teen addiction to alcohol has affected my adult life. As you all know by now and if you don’t I started drinking from an extremely young age of 11. I skipped being a young teenager and jumped to being a 40 year old mind stuck in a […]

My First Suicide Attempt

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I need to apologise for my lack of posts lately. I have had a lot on my mind and have decided to move from my mothers house to a little place of my own. But that’s not what I want to talk about today. Today I want to talk about the first time I attempted suicide. It wasn’t long after I’d come home from living with D the abuser. I haven’t spoken to many people about this. In fact I have only spoken to my mother mainly about this event. And she didn’t even know it was happening at the time. I will share with you all though because since starting this website and blog I consider many of you to be friends now. It was one night. I think I was still 17 and I had disappeared for a day or two drinking and partying at a friends house. […]

The Re-learning

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The last couple of days have been a bit of a blur for me. I have a life changing decision to make and I can’t seem to make up my mind yet. Which brings me back to something I mentioned in a previous post. When getting sober you have to re-learn all these things that any non addict has imprinted on their brain. Thing is when we start taking drugs or drinking and we do it everyday as our routine. We forget other things that we should already know. We forget how to be an adult and how to make choices on our own. It takes time to learn these abilities again and we can’t rush ourselves. We need to learn all other things too. Like assertiveness to say no. But how do we do it? How do we learn things that come naturally to so many other people? We […]

Does Sobriety Have to be a Lonely Place??

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Does sobriety have to be a lonely place? As I have mentioned before, when I was told I would have to get rid of my drinking buddies it was one of the main things that was putting me off getting sober. I didn’t want to sit in alone every night. I didn’t want to be lonely. The thought of this absolutely scared me, I didn’t want sobriety to ruin what years I had left of my youth. I’ll admit in the beginning of sobriety and giving up alcohol I suffered from depression and anxiety so I didn’t get out much and my fears had come true. I was stuck in my house alone. Confined by an invisible barrier at all the exits, keeping me confined. But after I had tackled these issues and managed to work on my anxiety all of this has changed. I started to go to the […]

Who I am today

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Why have I spent my last 3 or 4 posts talking about abusive relationships when this is a blog about alcoholism and addiction. Well because the things I’ve experienced in my life and the issues I’ve faced have shaped the person I am today. The person who is sitting here writing this, the person who is aching to get out there and help people over come things that I have experience in. I am such a determined person and when I set my mind to something it is something I must accomplish. After I left D and the abuse behind it took a while but he did forget about me. That doesn’t mean I forgot about him and the things that have happened to me. These things may have drove me to madness and were probably a large part to why I drank more and why I kept digging myself […]

Last Days of Abuse

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My last day in the hell hole with the monster. I can remember this one quite clearly until the end. I did have phones. Quite a few but D always found them and always smashed them so I couldn’t talk to anyone. The abuse got worse and worse each passing day I stayed there. D wanted to go out on his quad bike with his friends and what he wanted he got. He wanted me to go with him to keep his eye on me so I didn’t run away like I had tried before. I managed to convince him that everything would be ok and that I would sit in the house and do the washing ironing and clean the kitchen for him coming home. He believed me. He actually believed me. He left and for a second I almost didn’t do what I needed to do, I went […]

My Fathers Attempt

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Me and D the abuser were sitting in the living room one afternoon when a van pulled up outside. My dads van. He jamp out the van but he wasn’t alone he was accompanied my a crow bar. That was time for us to panic. D grabbed me and pulled me into the bathroom with our dog and as my dad banged at the door with the crow bar he help his hands over my mouth and the dogs to shut us up and he punched me so hard in the stomach, I couldn’t cry or scream. I didn’t want to cry or scream anyway. I say that because I knew if my dad got in the house he would kill D and my dad would be the one who went to jail, not the monster who deserved it the most. I was terrified I didn’t know what to do […]

5 Reasons For Sobriety!!

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My post have been so morbid lately and the downside of being an addict. So today I will share with you the up side of being sober and some of the things I’ve accomplished since being sober. I’ll list 5 hopefully these are enough r reasons for you yourself to get sober. 1. My health. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. My health has improved so much since I stopped drinking. My crohns has gotten better, my mental health and after I stopped drinking I just felt physically and mentally better. I know that you will too if you give up your addiction. 2. I lose so much weight when I stopped drinking. In fact I lost 3 stone. After I gave up all the calories in alcohol. That made me look and feel amazing. I have always suffered from a bad self confidence and that helped […]

My Abuse Continued…

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Another time while I was still with D the man who hit me and told me I wasn’t good enough that I’d like to share with you. I had been beaten and kicked so hard in the stomach that I couldn’t stand up. He went to his mums and told me he would get me pain killers. He got me some amitriptyline. The 50mg ones. I had never taken them before and I didn’t know what they were either but I would have taken anything to stop the pain. It was a mistake. I had my mum coming to visit me that afternoon and I was lying in my bed. Paralysed and unable to move because of such a high dosage of muscle relaxers that I had never taken before. All hell broke out in my house. My mum appeared and wasn’t happy at the state I was in. My […]

The Abuse Started

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In my last post I talked about Chica my beautiful Doberman dog that I had while i was in a very abusive relationship. This is time to talk about that. I’m ready. I was 17 years old and an addict to alcohol. At that time I lived with my mum and because of my drinking we were always arguing. I wouldn’t give it up and she couldn’t live like this any longer. She’d asked me to go and stay with friends. And I did. I stayed with friends in their couches and in their spear rooms until I had outstayed my welcome. I knew a girl from a town nearby mine and was meeting her for a drink because she was going to “set me up” with her brother. The day after that I moved into his house and declared love for what I didn’t know at the time was […]